For those who feel deeply...
I’m talking about the sensitive souls, intuitive introverts and healers of the world. Which I do believe we all have the capacity to be.
The other day, I found myself reading something on my phone, and I started to feel a great sadness wash over me. I couldn’t figure out why, I couldn’t relate the sadness to what I was reading – there was nothing sad about it! Luckily, in that moment, I was brought into a calm state and made aware of the thoughts passing through my head. I was definitely curious as to why I started to feel sad in the first place since what I was reading was not a sad story. I decided to tune in to the silence and listen to my thoughts. In that moment, what I heard left me in complete shock, I did not see it coming. I had an inner voice that sounded exactly like mine except with a much harsher, meaner tone telling me I wasn’t good enough. Repeating it, even. It was saying “you are NOT good enough, you are NOT good enough” and then, still with a harsh tone but slightly softer, “you need to be better.”
But this voice, the one that was telling me I am not good enough, that made me feel extremely sad, was not mine. This was a learned thought-pattern. Most of our thought-patterns are learned at a young age, way back in early childhood. In early childhood, we have no control over the thoughts that form and they usually happen in direct relation to outer, external circumstances, which were also out of our control. I was lucky to notice this thought and realize its absurdity. We all have an inner voice that is constantly telling us things, all the time. We should never blame ourselves for these destructive thought-patterns or feelings associated to them. That’s not to say though, that we shouldn’t take responsibility for them and try and change them when we notice them. If we are open to it, to fully healing our broken inner child, the situations will present themselves to us that will help us heal the roots of our past wounds. This path will set you free emotionally but you will have to release your emotional wounds along the way. It will open you up to a love you’ve never known before but have always had within you. You will feel like you are truly at home and at peace within your heart.
We should never blame ourselves for feeling the way we do. But we should take responsibility to get to the root if we have emotions that are hurting us and we don’t know why and especially if our emotions are allowing us to react in ways that are hurting others.
When I noticed that thought, that inner voice that was telling I am not good enough, I was able to counteract it. I started to tell myself, (with a MUCH nicer and loving tone), “I am good enough and of course I need to be better, because I should always be focused on making myself a better version of myself. I am worthy of all the goodness in my life. I am loving by nature which makes me intrinsically good.”
The thing about thought-patterns is that they re-occur over and over again. Most of the time, we don’t notice our thoughts. We may think we do but we are more caught up in the chaos of our lives than we think. The only way to release and let go of negative thought-patterns is to see it first. I honestly do feel a touch lighter, as though I have released this negative thought-pattern from my life.
As human beings, we have a natural inclination to want to be better, and do better. I believe that every day, we should aim to be a bit better than we were yesterday. And every day, we should be proud of ourselves for the accomplishments we have made, throughout the day and throughout our lives, no matter how small. We work hard and it shouldn’t go unnoticed. We should be proud of ourselves, and of who we are. Our true, authentic, imperfect self. We are all imperfectly perfect in our own ways.
For those who have a deep connection with their emotions and those who trust their emotions above all else, we always like to relate our emotions to what’s external. But the external is truly just a trigger for what’s going on intrinsically. Whenever a strong emotion in us is triggered, we tend to cling to it, we trust it. We feel it must be there for a reason. It usually is, but the reason might not always be what you think. When this happens, you should look inwards, observe and listen to the thoughts, let go of the reaction or emotion, and stay calm. This will help you regain clarity and get to the bottom of what really created that emotion. Only when we notice the thoughts, can we understand them and change them or act on them accordingly. A good way to reflect on our thoughts when we are stuck is by writing things down. Sometimes what comes out on paper is much clearer than what is going on in your head. This can be a very helpful tool in helping you heal on your journey of spiritual and personal growth.
We need to learn how to love our self properly. On this day, I learned how to love myself a little better with my thoughts. I think I still have a long way to go, but at the end of the day, every little accomplishment counts. And I am proud of who I am becoming and of the love I am creating for myself, that is setting me free emotionally a little bit at a time. Everyone grows at different rates, what matters is that we are growing. I want everyone reading this to know that YOU are worthy of ALL the goodness in your life, and I genuinely hope you never doubt that.